mandatory down time.

I still wonder what it means to have consistency when life is always changing, constantly going in waves.

The current state of my life? Physical busyness and mental preoccupation to the point of illness. But the two days off from work and forced rest is actually quite nice.

I needed a whole day to zone out. Yesterday alone I watched two movies and eight episodes of the first season of Arrested Development. I took a brief afternoon outing to one of my favorite coffee joints where I sat down to read and write to my heart's content.

I had an entire day to simply unwind. It was glorious.

Sometimes (or often) I get so much on my mind that it becomes all-consuming. Everyday tasks and responsibilities seem overwhelming, and before I know it different parts of my life start to go out the window, like my sanity, or my personal hygiene. I start operating to serve the urgent issues at hand, forgetting to enjoy the small things, or to abide in God.

A funny thing happened last night when after a full day of relaxation and clearing my mind I all of a sudden went on a cleaning rampage, did three loads of laundry, picked up all of the clothes on my floor, organized my desk and books and storage area, played the guitar, caught up on emails, and even wrote some letters--things I had been needing to do for weeks but hadn't had the mental or physical capacity to tackle them.

I guess I just needed to start listening to my body, slow down, clear my mind and unwind, and all of those little things didn't seem so overwhelming anymore.

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised at how quickly I can become distracted by life. I have these moments rather often when I realize that I need to realign my focus and energies, take time to rest, remember to pray, trust God for my provision, etc.

But maybe that's just how life is, and will always be--realizing when I have started living life on my own terms rather than living by the Spirit and receiving God's grace to get my feet back on solid ground. I don't feel shame in myself anymore--perhaps that is the difference.